Forgotten Memories
by msashlyjudd8
Summary: In episode 3x04 Justin Brings back Brian's bracelet. Brian leaves the door open after Justin leaves. What if Justin came back?


Authors Note: This is my first QAF fic! This fallows cannon as far as the episode (3x04) goes. Justin leaves and Brian goes into the loft, leaving the door open. It goes AU after that. I don't own the show or these characters unfortunately. (If I did, The show sure as hell wouldn't have ended like _that_.)

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><p>Brian couldn't help it. After all the drama, and lying and the eventual break up, he still thought Justin was the sexiest guy he had ever seen. And, even as Justin stood there, tying Brian's bracelet around his wrist, wearing that horrible pretentious black turtle neck, Brian knew that he would do just about anything to have him back in his home and his bed.<p>

The shy way that Justin kept glancing up at him, drove Brian wild, and he could feel himself get hard. It was not unusual for Brian to get hard just being in the same vicinity to the blond, but the night usually preceded fucking him into the mattress, or on the floor, or against the loft door. This time, however, Justin was not his. He had moved on to puppy dogs and rainbows with his new boyfriend, the violinist. The break up was quite spectacular as far as those things go. Brian spend truckloads of money on a party to launch a comic book for his best friend and his lover.

The night ended with his lover, turning his back and making a hasty exit with the new love of his life. Brian would have been impressed, if it weren't his heart that got trampled, _not that anyone had to know that._ Brian was fine. _More time to fuck, _he told himself. No more answering questions about his ware bouts, no more buying sugar laden, carb loaded junk food that Justin just had to have. Brian was just fine. It's not like he had to rip the sheets off the bed the minute he got home from the party, because they still smelled like Justin. Or, his most expensive bottle of Whiskey was thrown across the room, as he paced back and forth. Nope. As far as Brian was concerned, none of that had happened.

Nobody had to know that he drank himself silly, that night, and smoked three joints before finally passing out more wasted then he had ever been. Nobody had to know that he woke up three times during that night, reaching for his lover that was no longer there, or that his heart fragmented a little more each time he remembered that his lover would not be returning.

"Don't you have to get back to your boyfriend?"

Brian kept his voice low and steady. Justin couldn't know how much Brian wanted to drop to his knees and beg him to stay…

Justin looked up, and Brian could see the struggle; the beautiful blue eyes of his former lover. Justin wanted to stay, as much as Brain wanted him to stay. But he wouldn't. Brain knew Justin's musician was full of shit, and Justin would soon know it too. He was so hungry for love and commitment that he would take anything Ian gave him, and lap it up like a starving puppy. Brian knew how empty words could be, and eventually the fairytale would become stale and just as empty as the words that Justin craved so much.

"Yeah."

Brain may be a commitment phoebe, and unwilling to say _those_ three words, but that didn't mean that he didn't feel them. Brain could say those words just as easy with a kiss, or a look, or running his hand through Justin's hair. He could feel it at three in the morning as he wraps his arms around Justin's neck, from behind, as his young lover works on a project. He could feel it at midnight, standing in a sea of men just lining up to have a piece of Brian Kinney, only for him to wrap his arm around the young blond and kiss him, like he hadn't seen him in a week.

The hardest part was knowing that Justin walked away thinking that Brian didn't care. With the exception to Mikey, Brian had never cared about anyone, like he cared for Justin.

Justin looked up one last time before he turned for the stairs. Brian walked back into his loft, leaving the door open. It may have been wishful thinking on his part that Justin may decide to stay, but Brian was no stranger to taking risks. He walked over to the cart to poor himself a drink, and when he heard the loft door slide shut, a smile stole across his face. He didn't turn right away. He poured himself a glass of Beam, and set the bottle down, replacing the cap.

"I-I don't know why I'm still here…."

Brian said nothing as he turned to face the boy leaning against the loft door. His blond head was bowed; his shoulders slumped in defeat. Brian knew what he wanted. He knew what Justin wanted too, and he was pretty sure it was going to kill him to let Justin walk away when it was over.

"I believe the word you're looking for, sunshine, is 'Horney.'"

Justin looked up, but didn't say anything to deny the accusation. Brian downed the shot of Beam and replaced the glass on the cart, before walking to stand directly in front of his ex-boyfriend.

"You're here because no matter how many times he tells you he loves you, or buys you roses, or fixes you a romantic picnic on the floor, he will never come close to making you feel, what you feel with me."

Justin said nothing. His eyes fallowed the lean, tan, beautiful man standing before him. Brian stepped forward, reaching both hands up to wrap long along Justin's neck.

"You're here because, as much as you think you love him, he can't make your body sing the way I do."

Justin trembled against the Brian, as he leaned forward so his mouth was right next to Justin's ear.

"Does he know that if he fucks you hard enough, you stop breathing when you come? And you gasp for air for a solid five minutes, when it's over?"

Justin's eyes fell closed, as Brian pulled the turtle neck aside so that he could kiss Justin's racing pulse.

"Does he know if he holds your hand down while he fucks you that you make a little whimpering sound from the back of your throat?"

Very slowly Brian slipped the vest from Justin's shoulders and let it slip to the floor. Justin's breath hitched as Brian pulled the black turtle neck out of his jeans and over his head. Justin's blond fridge fell over his left eye, as Brian dropped the offending shirt to the floor. Justin gasped as a warm hand wrapped around the back of his neck and pulled his face forward so that their lips were almost, but not quite touching.

"Does he know how hard you come, when I fuck you in a room full of men? Or that you get off on being watched?"

And then Brain took Justin's slip with the ferocity of a starving man. The older man licked and sucked and bit the mouth of his former lover. He knew this was probably the last time, so he was going to make it count. Justin pulled his mouth away, gasping for breath.

"Brian…"

The plea came from Justin's mouth. He was hard and aching and he needed Brian to fuck him. Hard.

"Tell me what you want, Justin," Brian said against the younger man's lips. He knew what Justin wanted, but he needed to hear the words.

"I need you," he begged, "Please…please fuck me."

Brian slammed their lips back together, so he could bite Justin's lip hard enough to make him whimper again. And then they were both moving franticly. Brian spun Justin around and pushed him face first against the door. He pulled a condom from his pocket and tore it open with his teeth, as Justin pushed his jeans over his hips and down to his knees. And then Justin sucked in a deep breath as Brian pushed inside of him. Brian wrapped an arm around Justin's torso, just holding him as he adjusted to the burn. When Justin finally let go of the breath, letting Brian know he could move again, Brian pulled out almost all of the way and slammed back home. Justin's wail almost made Brian come on the spot.

Brian moved at a frantic brutal pace, slamming Justin's body against the door over and over again. Justin's moans told Brian that he didn't care, and he was loving every moment of it. Brian knew romance was bullshit. Justin may like slow romantic fuck with his musician, but Brian knew he still craved a hard and fast fuck most of the time.

"Has he ever thrown you against the door, and fucked you stupid, sunshine?" Brian asked, punctuating his question with a hard, shudder inducing, thrust. Justin wasn't in any position to answer the question as he reached back with his hand to Brian's ass, silently asking for more.

Brian had other ideas. Brian didn't stop thrusting, but he slowed to a snail's pace and wrapped both arms around Justin's chest. He leaned his forehead against the back of Justin's head and held him.

"Does he know that I am a pretentious asshole, with a god complex and that commitment makes me physically sick to even think about, but I have never felt for anyone that way that I feel about you?"

Justin froze, his body shaking with need and shock at hearing the words Brian had just said. Brian sped his thrusts, hoping to keep Justin from saying anything.

"Does he know that I never said 'I love you', because I don't know how to love? Or because I have never had anyone, other than Mikey, love me before?"

Brian's voice was so low that he heard it, very clearly, when Justin let out a sob. Brian's forehead fell to the back of Justin's neck, when Justin's head fell forward to the door. Brain sped his thrusts a little more, as he reached around to wrap around Justin's erection.

"Does he know that I thank a God that I don't even believe in, every single day that you didn't die that day? Does he know how I held you in my arms and begged you to just _wake up_?"

Justin's next sob sounded tortured as he reached his orgasm at the same time. His body shook as he spilled over Brian's hand.

"Does he know that I took every drug I could find, and consumed as much alcohol that I could stand just to numb myself to the images in my head?"

Just stood gasping between sobs and the aftershocks wracking his body. Brian slipped from Justin without reaching his own orgasm, but he didn't relinquish his hold of his lover.

"Does he know that I wouldn't leave the hospital for three days, even though I was covered in your blood? Does he know that I did come and visit you in the hospital? That I was there every single night, watching you have nightmares and tossing and turning in your bed?"

Brian held Justin as he cried.

"Does he know, as much as it hurt to watch you walk away with him, I was almost relieved that you did? Because I know that I'm not good enough for you. You deserve someone who can say those words to you every day, sunshine. You deserve picnics on the floor and roses, and dates and everything that you want."

Brian slowly released his hold on Justin and allowed him to turn around. The beautiful blue eyes that Brian loved so much, were red and swollen. Two shiny tracks of tears lead down his face, where they dripped from his chin. Brian wiped under both eyes with his thumbs and then pulled Justin's face forward to gently place a kiss on his lips.

With his forehead leaning against Justin's he said…

"Go home, sunshine. Let him give you what you deserve."

What Brian didn't expect, was for Justin to throw his arms around his neck and start frantically sobbing against his neck.

"Brian," Justin forced out, "I-I love you. I love you, so much. I'm so sorry."

"Shhhh, Hey, It's okay. Calm down," Brian soothed, "Just breath, Justin."

When Justin couldn't calm himself, Brian helped him pull up his jeans, and then took his hand and led him across the loft, up the stairs into the bedroom, and then pulled him to lay down. Brain pulled him into his arms and held him as he cried.

The next morning Brian got up and showered for work as Justin slept. When he was ready to leave, he thought about waking him up, but thought better of it. He set the alarm and left Justin where he slept. Ian was probably wracked with worry, but Brian couldn't bring himself to give a fuck.

Justin was gone when he got home from work, as he expected. Brian showered, smoked a joint and headed to Babylon. A night of drunken sex and dancing is just what he needed.

Three days later, word got around the diner that Justin had broken up with the 'fiddler' as Emmett put it.

Two days after that, Brian walked into the loft after a long day, to soft music playing, and a little blond sitting at his dining room table scribbling on his computer.

Brian stood at the bar, dumbfounded. The blond sat with his back to Brian as he kept working, not saying a word, or turning around. With a raised eyebrow Brian continued into the bedroom. Justin's clothes were back in the closet and in the second drawer of the dresser. He continued into the bathroom where his black toiletries bag and toothbrush had reappeared also.

Brian walked back into the bedroom looking into the dining room to see Justin still drawing on the screen. Justin didn't turn his head or say anything. It was like the break up and fighting and affair had never happened.

Brian stood in his bedroom contemplating. Could it really be that simple? Did he want it to be that simple? Could he let all the anger and sadness go?

Finally, Brian sighed and shrugged both of his shoulders. He could let it go, if Justin could. He turned and headed for the closet while he started to pull his tie off.

"Hey," Brian yelled, "Order some Chinese, I'm fucking starving. Get extra shrimp, because you know you'll just end up stealing mine."

Justin smiled. "I'm on it."

And so everything went back to normal. The fiddle fuck was forgotten. And if the pair were a little more affectionate, danced a little closer and kissed a whole lot more, well that was just the way it is.

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><p>End Note: Can I just say, When this plot bunny jumped into my head, this is NOT what I had planned. But then as I started writing, it sort of started writing itself. Brian kind of took over my brain and my fingers. It ended up a LOT more angsty then I intended, but I'm happy with how it turned out. Let me know what you think? Love it? Hate it? let me know.<p> 


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